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PaperThinWalls

Tell us the BS going on right now in your life

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I've got 2 to a shelter now, getting the bigger one tomorrow, was first trying to see if they were stolen

Edited by TheTRIsetMaster908

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Well my cat isn't dead (RIP Counting Lights kitty) but one of the two I have just got neutered and he's been doing that scooting sheeit leaving blood trails all over the floor. Wound seems to be doing better today, cone of shaming him works for changing his whole demeanor so it helped with the scooting and the licking both

 

This is all amidst a mouse outbreak in the place. I've caught 5 in about 5-6 days. Well it's more like 3 and a half. They tired the first one to where I could trap it and take it out but he ran off wounded so my boys prolly *censored*ed him up good. Second one they gave me Intel on and I caught it myself, initially alive but the bitch bit me so I murdered his ass. Third one was killed by the already neutered cat the morning of the other's surgery. And last night I caught the one running in my room in a glue trap and checked one of the snappers under the stove and got the 5th.

 

I'm still doing most of the work it seems and it sucks I dont have many places to put the cats so I cant effectively lay traps cause they get into everything. Last place I was in I put a glue trap in a cabinet and Frisky (already neutered one) got to it and woke me up slapping it against a chair to get it off with Figaro staring at him like "Wtf is wrong with you?"

 

Post surgery, Frisk is being a dick to Figgy, hissing every time he sees him, which causes them both to run when i scold him for it, which leads to me losing my hunter as Frisk goes to hide for like 2 hours before the process repeats.

 

Stack that on top of the worse sleep I've had in this place since I moved in. I'm not pleased

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Bi-annual reviews the other day. Didn't get a raise and one of the "examples" they listed for why happened during my second day of work, 7 months ago. The other complaints came from when I was scheduled to work sections they knew played to my weaknesses and I told them during the early "what do you want/don't want to work" meeting I sucked at. Talked with some co-workers, apparently the feedback I got was almost the exact same as several others who still got raise. Always heard the boss played favorites, guess it bit me in the ass this time around.

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I'm 31 years old, I'm very tired, and I'm letting everyone down. I joke around alot....I've been on the forums and laughed and cried and got super angry or super excited with all of you for years and years. I don't know what the perception of me is....I'm surprised if anyone thinks of me at all, and more surprised if anyone actually likes me...in this community and in life. I've suffered from depression ever since I was a child, so my outlook on the world around me has always been a little different than I ever wanted it to be. Had my first encounter with suicidal thoughts around age 13, and even then, it wasn't until my late 20's that it really got to a point where I was like "Holy shit, I see why this shit kills people.." It's bad...really bad...I can hardly focus on anything aside from when I'm at work...I get bouts of paranoia and worry all the time...I can't maintain any sort of relationships, even with my family, and I haven't in years, because all I can do after most work days (and after going to the gym and being around people, in general), is just go home and go to my room and stay there and be completely alone for as long as possible. That's why caw making is a good thing for someone like me.....it's the one thing I am kind of good at and can just sit in my room alone and do to escape the reality of what my life is. I'm at an age where I can't really escape anymore, and so I am thinking of riding off into the sunset, caw-wise, in the next year or two. I need to work on myself but I don't know how to, and it feels like it's just too late, and I just don't have the energy. I can't even afford the health insurance necessary to try to treat some of this shit, and yet I make too much for welfare to help out. It's a hell of a purgatory of mental illness I'm in.

 

I live with my dad. He's getting up there in age, and retiring in another like 2 or 3 years. My mother lives in Tampa, Florida. It's tough living with my father and watching him age and his health gradually going bad and feeling like there's nothing I can do to help him or stop these things, because he doesn't want to take care of himself. Things like doing our laundry and having to run all his stuff separately and with a bunch of vinegar because all his pants reek of urine. I think he's developed a drug habit on top of all this. Glamorous stuff. I feel so responsible for everything....like maybe if they had adopted another child, that child would've had a normal life and my parents would never feel like they wasted their years of parenting and who knows....maybe they'd even still be together today. Nevertheless, I pay alot of the bills around the house. I feel so trapped, like I know they want what's best for me and they worry about me alot. As an only [adopted] child, there's so much pressure on me to be somebody, to be everything for everybody. I want to one day be a kind of person they can be proud of, and not just say they're proud of without really, truly meaning it. But I don't know what it takes to get there or if I have anything it takes anymore.

 

Ever since my mother moved out to the Tampa, Florida area, she's been a hospice nurse. One day, few years ago, she texts me asking if I knew a wrestler who was named Samoa Joe. I said "Yeah, of course". He hadn't signed with WWE yet. Turns out she was taking care of his father for about a week. His mother asked my mother if she had any children who watched wrestling and that was that. My mom got an autographed poster to give to me too, but I never got it. lol. Anyway, I hope he knows just how effing proud his parents were of him. They were so proud to talk about him and how great he was and all his accomplishments. But, most importantly to the subject matter, patients aren't always the nicest. Especially Florida being the South, my mom has run-ins with a lot of mean and racist people who shout all kinds of things at her, and the job is tough enough as is. They were very nice and kind to my mother, and so, not like he needs my help, but if Joe and I are ever in a bar or something together and anyone tries to start shit with him, I'm taking the first swing. lol. I'll never forget that, and I strive everyday to somehow one day make my parents as proud of me as his parents were of him. I think his father would unfortunately pass away about a month or two later, just before Joe ended up debuting in NXT. But yeah, when you're a 31 year old dishwasher with a GED who didn't officially come out about his depression to his parents until he was 30 and the depression was very severe, it's a bit of an uphill battle, to say the least. Feels like just about the only positive thing they can say about me is I'm not a criminal or drug addict. And that's a one-time journey into my life and times..

Edited by ANTI-

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ANTI, You're doing fine brother. Message me on this forum, or message me and request an email-correspondence. I've got energy to lend. Send as much or as little info as you want. I'm here, brother. If you need me, I will be here. I'm just a dude, but my word is my bond. You aren't letting anyone down. If you care to the degree that you claim to care, then you are are trying your damnedest...and it's impossible to let people down when you are trying that *censored*ing hard.

Edited by Generations

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Listen ANTI,

 

I've seen you round the 2K section in the past, and as someone whose parents are starting to age, I can relate to you a little. You hope everything you do will get them back to their old selves, but it doesn't, and what are able to do never feels like enough. But what you are doing IS helping them, and never let anyone tell you otherwise. I am sure both your parents appreciate everything you do. Like Generations, if you need anywhere to vent, my PM inbox is always open to you should you need to vent somewhere. :)

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I have detention for 1 hour and 15 minutes and it's my birthday 🖕🖕 smfh

Don't do sheeit that leads to detention on your birthday. Problem solved. Happy Birthday, baddie

 

Anti, I don't have the words this time man and the few I do have are repeats. Like the boys said though, reach out if you need to. We're a community and we look out for each other. Hopefully we can ease your mind if only a little

 

You know what I will say this though. This doesn't work for everybody cuz it's easier said than done kind of like M3J's comment about striving to do better. In theory it's easy, that's all it should take but it's really not that easy for everyone to just hop up and be like "I'ma do better!" and then actually follow through

 

Have you ever sat down and talked to your dad, like really talk to him. Lay it on him deep and hard, pause. Everything you told us just now about watching him slip away because he's unwilling to take care of himself, about your concerns surrounding your parents perception of you, and everything else under the moon he's willing to listen to. It might end up changing both your perspectives as well as change your lives *shrugs* wishful thinking maybe, but nobody should have to have that weight on their shoulders, the fear that your parents might not see you as good enough or as a "waste of parenting" I think is how you put it. Talk to your mom too. Get all sides' opinions and thoughts. Mine is that there's a reason you're still here and if your dad let himself go that much, you're the reason why HE'S still here. Let him know you're fighting from him because sometimes it's the simple sheeit right in front of your face that you're blinded to

Edited by WNX

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I have detention for 1 hour and 15 minutes and it's my birthday 🖕🖕 smfh

 

I don't know why this post brightened my day so much. But, for some reason, it has.

 

Maybe it's the childlike innocence of flipping off detention. Maybe it's still caring about birthdays. Maybe it's the arbitrary time of 1 hour and 15 minutes, rather than just an hour. Not sure...:lol:

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ANTI, for what it's worth, I think you deserve praise for taking care of your father and in general being so appreciative and concerned with your parents. I get the vibe of a sense of guilt, but like Gen said, it shows that you care. Based on one post, you seem like good people and things might've not went the way you'd have liked thus far, but I'd imagine simply being a good person could also make your parents happier than you might realize.

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Well the thing is detention was cancelled last week and at that time I had only 1 hour of detention but I got 15 minutes more because I was late to class because I had to go to the *censored*ing restroom and my science teacher doesn't let people go so I was late for listening to my body. I would have skipped if I just had only 15 minutes for sure though.

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I have detention for 1 hour and 15 minutes and it's my birthday 🖕🖕 smfh

Don't do sheeit that leads to detention on your birthday. Problem solved. Happy Birthday, baddie

 

Anti, I don't have the words this time man and the few I do have are repeats. Like the boys said though, reach out if you need to. We're a community and we look out for each other. Hopefully we can ease your mind if only a little

 

You know what I will say this though. This doesn't work for everybody cuz it's easier said than done kind of like M3J's comment about striving to do better. In theory it's easy, that's all it should take but it's really not that easy for everyone to just hop up and be like "I'ma do better!" and then actually follow through

 

Have you ever sat down and talked to your dad, like really talk to him. Lay it on him deep and hard, pause. Everything you told us just now about watching him slip away because he's unwilling to take care of himself, about your concerns surrounding your parents perception of you, and everything else under the moon he's willing to listen to. It might end up changing both your perspectives as well as change your lives *shrugs* wishful thinking maybe, but nobody should have to have that weight on their shoulders, the fear that your parents might not see you as good enough or as a "waste of parenting" I think is how you put it. Talk to your mom too. Get all sides' opinions and thoughts. Mine is that there's a reason you're still here and if your dad let himself go that much, you're the reason why HE'S still here. Let him know you're fighting from him because sometimes it's the simple sheeit right in front of your face that you're blinded to

 

I phrased it as a question because there could be reasons why he can't do better, and I didn't want him to think it was his fault or that I was blaming him.

 

As mentioned Anti, you're doing as much as you can, and that's all anyone can ask of you. I'm merely wondering if you can apply to other jobs or get your degree or something to help you get better paying jobs.

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Can't sleep lately. Well, always had that problem but it's gotten worse. I just lay here in bed for a good 4 hrs or so before I can. I also don't have health insurance at the moment to get a sleep study done.

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Can't sleep lately. Well, always had that problem but it's gotten worse. I just lay here in bed for a good 4 hrs or so before I can. I also don't have health insurance at the moment to get a sleep study done.

You ever try a weighted blanket? Got one for christmas and when i use it i usually knock out into some of the deeper sleeps i get into.

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ESPN+ bullshit keeping me from watching UFC today. Pretty awesome to be told you have to pay more for something that used to be included with a Fight Pass subscription. Giant middle finger to the UFC and ESPN...once again. I already pay over a hundred dollars a year for fight pass. I'm not signing up for an ESPN+ sub too.

Edited by Generations

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Can't sleep lately. Well, always had that problem but it's gotten worse. I just lay here in bed for a good 4 hrs or so before I can. I also don't have health insurance at the moment to get a sleep study done.

You ever try a weighted blanket? Got one for christmas and when i use it i usually knock out into some of the deeper sleeps i get into.

I'll look into it, thank you. Legit couldn't fall asleep today til 6am, I've gotta fix this fast. Walking around on 3 hrs of sleep isn't fun lol

Edited by Fight Me.

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But if you're not happy where you are, why not work to do better?

 

It's a struggle. Every day I think of ways to do better or be better or make someone else's day better. For some reason it's always so much easier and comes much more natural to me to do things that help other people, and then, when I get to myself, everything becomes so complicated. I seem to be pretty well liked by everyone I work with, and I've told some of them that I am in awe of how much energy they have to maintain any kind of life at all after busting their asses at work. I'm spent and need to get away from everyone, and all thoughts of advancing my life go out the window....I just need to decompress more and more, the older I get. It's what finally, in my 30's, made me cave and consider counselling. Unfortunately, if you can't afford health insurance, each visitation is over 100 dollars, and they wanted to see me weekly...wasn't happening...but that's the bind I'm in. The success story has to kick in at some point..lol….if you only saw how hard I work... I've just always needed someone to kind of steer me in the right direction of where to go and help me to get there and I never really had someone like that. Things will be sorted out hopefully, sooner than later. I remain positive about the future because I've just survived so much to this point to not be strong enough to endure whatever hardship comes next. We'll see.

 

ANTI, You're doing fine brother. Message me on this forum, or message me and request an email-correspondence. I've got energy to lend. Send as much or as little info as you want. I'm here, brother. If you need me, I will be here. I'm just a dude, but my word is my bond. You aren't letting anyone down. If you care to the degree that you claim to care, then you are are trying your damnedest...and it's impossible to let people down when you are trying that *censored*ing hard.

 

Thanks a lot, brother. It means a lot that anyone would be willing to listen to my shit. I really never go on about what my life is like, because I never want to come off as complaining. Really, it was a lot of my poor decisions in life that led to my feeling like such a failure now. I was having one of the rougher days I've had [mentally] in a while, remembered this thread, and challenged myself to really just let it all out....the bad and good of my life right now. It goes both ways too, man. If you ever want to talk about anything and don't really know who to reach to, my inbox is always open....you can even hit me up on Twitter or something. Can't thank you enough for reaching out and for caring.

 

Listen ANTI,

 

I've seen you round the 2K section in the past, and as someone whose parents are starting to age, I can relate to you a little. You hope everything you do will get them back to their old selves, but it doesn't, and what are able to do never feels like enough. But what you are doing IS helping them, and never let anyone tell you otherwise. I am sure both your parents appreciate everything you do. Like Generations, if you need anywhere to vent, my PM inbox is always open to you should you need to vent somewhere. :)

 

Thanks so much for reaching out and for the positivity. I can't find words for the responses other than that I truly, truly appreciate it. It's weird...like I do what I can to help, but I'm not where I personally wanna be and I know they had much greater expectations for me and I had them for myself as well. I'm another one of those kids who was a star student turned burnout and eventually dropout because I just couldn't focus on things the way I used to and didn't know how to go about dealing with it. Difference is, back then, I refused any help....I refused it for a long time. Just got my ass to work, been working hard all these years and trying to help my dad out as much as possible and see my mom when I can. She has no problem get around on her own and taking care of what she needs to take care of. My dad kind of needs help with a little of everything...it's often frustrating but I love him so much that I just do what I can every day. They love me...they're proud of the person I am, I'm sure....but I know they're embarrassed to tell anyone about anything beyond that...like what I do for a living, that I don't have kids, I'm usually not seeing anyone at the moment.....I often wish someone else was their kid....someone they could actually brag about...and that is why I always remember my mother telling me about Joe's parents. It was only a couple years ago, but it hit home more than my aunts and uncles bragging to her about their kids or whatever. It was interesting to see what wrestling parents think of their son without them having reached the pinnacle of WWE yet. They loved him so much and were so proud to talk about him to her, from the impression I got from my mom. I want that feeling. I want to know what it's like to be that child whose parents can truthfully brag to everyone. I say 'truthfully' because they have told lies to people in an attempt to sort of make up things to brag about, then people see me around and ask me about things they lied about, and I gotta be like "No, that's no true at all....I did train to be a wrestler and did it for a little while but the school shut down, I got a job and that was that.....I did not travel the world and make all this money and give my dad a couple thousand dollars..."....shit like that. I mean, sounds great and all, but nah. Now I gotta feel like even more of a loser because I'm not doing any of these things they lied about me doing. lol. That's why I know they aren't actually proud of me.

 

 

I have detention for 1 hour and 15 minutes and it's my birthday 🖕🖕 smfh

Don't do sheeit that leads to detention on your birthday. Problem solved. Happy Birthday, baddie

 

Anti, I don't have the words this time man and the few I do have are repeats. Like the boys said though, reach out if you need to. We're a community and we look out for each other. Hopefully we can ease your mind if only a little

 

You know what I will say this though. This doesn't work for everybody cuz it's easier said than done kind of like M3J's comment about striving to do better. In theory it's easy, that's all it should take but it's really not that easy for everyone to just hop up and be like "I'ma do better!" and then actually follow through

 

Have you ever sat down and talked to your dad, like really talk to him. Lay it on him deep and hard, pause. Everything you told us just now about watching him slip away because he's unwilling to take care of himself, about your concerns surrounding your parents perception of you, and everything else under the moon he's willing to listen to. It might end up changing both your perspectives as well as change your lives *shrugs* wishful thinking maybe, but nobody should have to have that weight on their shoulders, the fear that your parents might not see you as good enough or as a "waste of parenting" I think is how you put it. Talk to your mom too. Get all sides' opinions and thoughts. Mine is that there's a reason you're still here and if your dad let himself go that much, you're the reason why HE'S still here. Let him know you're fighting from him because sometimes it's the simple sheeit right in front of your face that you're blinded to

 

 

We've had conversations about some of the issues, but never just us sitting down and going through everything. Same with my mother. We even had a chance some months ago, because she came to visit me for my birthday and actually stayed with us at the house. We had several chances to just sit together and really air everything out, but I'm never one to try and draw attention to myself. I mean, she came for my birthday, we don't get as much time together as I would like, and I didn't want to turn it into this big, sad thing, y'know? She was saddened a little by what had become of my father since she'd left him back in like 2008. Something like that does need to happen. I want the chance to own up to every mistake I've ever made that landed me in the position I'm in, and I want them to help me get the help I need or find someone who can help me, because I'm just one of those people that doesn't know how to help themselves. I've come to terms with that. I felt bad about it for a long time, then I discovered it's a trait that is commonly seen among creative types. Like if Salvador Dali never met his wife Gala, he would've died a penniless, unknown starving street artist, because he just had no clue how to manage his own life or art or anything. Not saying I'm Salvador Dali, but I've always felt this immense potential in myself to do some amazing things if I somehow weren't just such a drained, desensitized sort of human being. Thank you for the response...I really want to see how to go about having that talk, once and for all.

 

ANTI, for what it's worth, I think you deserve praise for taking care of your father and in general being so appreciative and concerned with your parents. I get the vibe of a sense of guilt, but like Gen said, it shows that you care. Based on one post, you seem like good people and things might've not went the way you'd have liked thus far, but I'd imagine simply being a good person could also make your parents happier than you might realize.

 

Thanks so much for the kind words. I strive every day to make atleast one person's day better or life easier. You can't really control much of what's around you, but I can try to control how I make people feel, and I never want people to feel as bad as I feel at times. I want to tell people the nice truths about themselves or constructive things or words of wisdom I wish someone would have told me as I was trying to find my way and am still. My parents don't really ever see or meet the people I've been around on a day-to-day basis. They only look at me and know I've always been a relatively kind son, but didn't go to college, hasn't given them any grandchildren, took longer to drive than most people, almost never has a love interest of note. It's like all the checkpoints of success that parents want from their children are things I have given them none of. It sucks. I'm getting it together though. I just hope they're still alive to see a time when their son is actually happy and excited about where he's at in life.

 

 

 

I have detention for 1 hour and 15 minutes and it's my birthday 🖕🖕 smfh

Don't do sheeit that leads to detention on your birthday. Problem solved. Happy Birthday, baddie

 

Anti, I don't have the words this time man and the few I do have are repeats. Like the boys said though, reach out if you need to. We're a community and we look out for each other. Hopefully we can ease your mind if only a little

 

You know what I will say this though. This doesn't work for everybody cuz it's easier said than done kind of like M3J's comment about striving to do better. In theory it's easy, that's all it should take but it's really not that easy for everyone to just hop up and be like "I'ma do better!" and then actually follow through

 

Have you ever sat down and talked to your dad, like really talk to him. Lay it on him deep and hard, pause. Everything you told us just now about watching him slip away because he's unwilling to take care of himself, about your concerns surrounding your parents perception of you, and everything else under the moon he's willing to listen to. It might end up changing both your perspectives as well as change your lives *shrugs* wishful thinking maybe, but nobody should have to have that weight on their shoulders, the fear that your parents might not see you as good enough or as a "waste of parenting" I think is how you put it. Talk to your mom too. Get all sides' opinions and thoughts. Mine is that there's a reason you're still here and if your dad let himself go that much, you're the reason why HE'S still here. Let him know you're fighting from him because sometimes it's the simple sheeit right in front of your face that you're blinded to

 

I phrased it as a question because there could be reasons why he can't do better, and I didn't want him to think it was his fault or that I was blaming him.

 

As mentioned Anti, you're doing as much as you can, and that's all anyone can ask of you. I'm merely wondering if you can apply to other jobs or get your degree or something to help you get better paying jobs.

 

 

I can apply to jobs that are farther away and I can make more money at pretty soon. I have my little Geo Metro I can get places with now, and not have to split with my dad. That should be a big relief. Here's hoping. Thank you again.

Edited by ANTI-

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Can't sleep lately. Well, always had that problem but it's gotten worse. I just lay here in bed for a good 4 hrs or so before I can. I also don't have health insurance at the moment to get a sleep study done.

You ever try a weighted blanket? Got one for christmas and when i use it i usually knock out into some of the deeper sleeps i get into.

I'll look into it, thank you. Legit couldn't fall asleep today til 6am, I've gotta fix this fast. Walking around on 3 hrs of sleep isn't fun lol

 

Theres a bunch of stuff ive been experimenting with. Not using my phone like a hour before i go to sleep, turning the brightness down on my TV (need this to sleep.), listening to that Chilled Cow Lo-fi hip hop stream, limiting my sugar alot. The blanket has been the best option so far, only downside is it your not using the blanket its a 12 pound blanket that's in the way.

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Anti, do you have someone you trust that you can talk to? Maybe that might help a bit? But then again, I know nothing about this sort of thing, especially since I tend to prefer to live recklessly. And here's hoping you find a great job soon that pays well!

 

 

FatKidDeals on Twitter usually tweet weighted blankets on sale.

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Having my first hangover

 

Get em out of the way now.

 

When you're 30, they last for days.

 

When I was 19, I could drink all night, pass out for an hour, wake up, drink the piss-warm beer that I fell asleep next to, jump up, and say "what's for breakfast?" ... Now that I'm an old man, I can sleep for two days straight and still feel like I might not actually survive. Like "this is it...I've done it this time". :lol:

Edited by Generations

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