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PaperThinWalls

Tell us the BS going on right now in your life

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Alright so, I've been dealing with my own issues and depression for about 3-ish years now. All of these are feelings of loneliness, self-image issues, and just not believing in myself in anything, even sometimes the things that I love. Most of this stems off of a toxic relationship I had at the same time I started feeling that way. To sum it all up, I stayed in it because I wanted to make it work and because it was my first relationship, but the girl and I were way too incompatible and I just didn't feel a sort of connection to her. She was the one who took my virginity, etc. but that's not really what got me, I felt used for sex cause that's literally all we did. I never really felt happy with this person, and when I got out of it I was happy, but I was so upset.


I started having depressive thoughts later, and didn't believe I could actually be with anyone else or that I'd never get in a relationship where I actually felt a deep connection to someone. Like, hooking up is fine, but I still felt that way. I hooked up with another person about a few months after all of that shit ended, and after I got ghosted, I took a spiral down and my feelings of loneliness increased.



So 3 years later, I go to MAGFest and meet up with a friend of mine cause she wanted me to buy her alcohol at the time since she wasn't 21 at the time. I do that, meet up with her and I meet a ton of her friends in her hotel room. There was one in particular that I found real cute and stuff, but I was like "Nah dude, you couldn't get with that" to myself. So I'm trying to get to know people (cause I want con friends, etc.) and I noticed my homegirl got pulled aside by the one girl I'm talking about.


We're all having small talk, etc. and that person starts blatantly hitting on me and I'm like "Woah :blush: " but since I'm shy as hell, I don't really do anything with it. We leave to go party and etc. so while we're waiting and stuff in a hallway, my homegirl pulls me aside and was like "Dude, she's been eyeballing you and shit all day, go talk to her." Let's just say I was too shy to do that and I can only talk to girls while I'm kinda drunk. I tell myself that I'll try again tomorrow, etc. repeatedly but I could never find that girl or only ran into her a few times after that. So I'm like... "Shit I should've shot my shot" and just shake my head at myself.


So the con ends and a day or 2 after it, I'm about to get off work and I had a few missed calls and texts from my homegirl. I look at them and she's like "Where the *Censored* are you? This girl is dead ass about to be in town cause she's visiting me, you better come shoot your shot" and I'm like nervous and not prepared. So I respond that I'll go with her, and she basically wingwomans for me to the girl, and it was almost like a double date at dinner cause my homegirl brought her BF with her. So myself and the girl go to the car so she can get some bags and stuff and she was like "Well I wish I got to talk to you at MAG because I think you're really cute and wanna get to know you" and shit.


So I got her number and on the way home she starts texting me and shit, asking if I wanted to smash. I said yeah so they drive us to my house and I turned on some anime and we smashed. Also, originally, she was supposed to only stay for a day, but while we were texting in the car I was being playful and said like "Well if you stayed I'd make you dinner" and all that stuff, but she agreed to purposely miss her bus home to stay a little more with me.


So that happens, and things are happening SO fast. Like, feelings and emotions wise. She actually treated me so much better than my ex the couple of days we'd been hanging out and having sex, letting out both of our vulnerable sides and etc. Come time for her to leave, I ask her out and we date briefly. She comes back after leaving and she isn't really letting me get closer to her, etc. and I'm not sure why. So we broke it off early (she asked) because she said that she had so much shit going on in her life that she isn't ready for a relationship right now. We both also agreed we took things way too fast but still wanted to be friends.


We're still friends, but I learn more about all the shit going on in her life and her baggage: sexual assault trauma and a lot of other mental health issues. She still visits sometimes and we talk, but man... I actually have legit feelings for the girl and I'm like... :(



I know that she has to help herself get past her trauma and etc, and I told her I'd be there for her when she needed it. But man... everything feels like it was terrible timing. I know I shouldn't have asked her out after a few days, but my emotions were pretty high and so were her's, and I acted on them. I learned a lesson there, but I still can't help but feel alone and still wanting to be there with her..


I don't wanna sit here and wait for her, cause I'm just not gonna let these feelings and my loneliness eat away at me. I think there's room for stuff to happen in the future, but I'm just... not really sure what I need to do at this point. We're friends, yeah, but I still have these feelings and I don't wanna get too attached to her, etc. There's just so much shit going on in my head right now that I need to help get myself together and still remain close to the girl...

Edited by MOBethyst.™

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That's alot to take in. I've been told countless times to take care of me first. I believe that what you have to do. If the feeling of loniness for you simply comes down to "I wanna wait for her but..." and you can knock the feeling by just living your life, dating or whatever it is that you do, do it. Don't ignore your feelings for her but don't wait for her either. That isn't fair to you. There's nothing wrong with being hopeful but, if you're meant to be, it'll happen. If not, maybe you'll run into somebody who makes you v feel the same or better. Just be the best friend to her that you can and wherever life takes you, roll with it

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That's alot to take in. I've been told countless times to take care of me first. I believe that what you have to do. If the feeling of loniness for you simply comes down to "I wanna wait for her but..." and you can knock the feeling by just living your life, dating or whatever it is that you do, do it. Don't ignore your feelings for her but don't wait for her either. That isn't fair to you. There's nothing wrong with being hopeful but, if you're meant to be, it'll happen. If not, maybe you'll run into somebody who makes you v feel the same or better. Just be the best friend to her that you can and wherever life takes you, roll with it

 

Sound advice my friend.

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I agree, take care of yourself first. Neither of you will be happy in a relationship if you're not happy or at the right place of mind individually. Be a friend to her, but not at the expense of your mental health.

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That's alot to take in. I've been told countless times to take care of me first. I believe that what you have to do. If the feeling of loniness for you simply comes down to "I wanna wait for her but..." and you can knock the feeling by just living your life, dating or whatever it is that you do, do it. Don't ignore your feelings for her but don't wait for her either. That isn't fair to you. There's nothing wrong with being hopeful but, if you're meant to be, it'll happen. If not, maybe you'll run into somebody who makes you v feel the same or better. Just be the best friend to her that you can and wherever life takes you, roll with it

Yeah, I know.. mentally I know I have to, but I just can't start the spark to take care of myself in my heart. As far as my feelings go, they could still be there later but right now, I really feel for her. But waiting on her to get better.. who knows how long that will take and if we both feel the same later on? I hope to continue to be friends with her, but I can't help but wonder if we could actually end up together in a serious relationship.

 

I agree, take care of yourself first. Neither of you will be happy in a relationship if you're not happy or at the right place of mind individually. Be a friend to her, but not at the expense of your mental health.

 

It's not really her that's giving me these issues, it's my past and myself. Honestly, she treated me better than my ex and I felt a lot more compatible and connected with her.. it really made me happy. It's not even the sex, it's just how we connected outside of it. I will still feel the same way about myself as I did before, but her... I worry about her's. Her trauma is so serious and she's at the lowest point of it. I can't really do anything to help her but be there for her, and I worry I'm not gonna be able to get close with her due to how guarded she is right now.

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Is she going to therapy or talking someone she trusts about her feelings and stuff? The best you can do is be there for her, as mentioned, but while taking care of yourself too.

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Is she going to therapy or talking someone she trusts about her feelings and stuff? The best you can do is be there for her, as mentioned, but while taking care of yourself too.

 

I don't know. I do know she's really close with her ex-boyfriend, though. They're soulmates, as she describes it. Also, she has a close relationship with her mother. I don't know if they know about her trauma or not though. They're aware of me due to how fast we went, but other than that.. don't know.

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Soulmates? Yikes man, I'd probably back off if they're still close with each other, unless you have immense trust and know she won't do anything you aren't comfortable with around/with him.

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The only thing I cared about with the Superbowl was Sweet Victory, and they didn't deliver with it.

Er, they kinda did.

 

Nah, they hyped up a full performance, all they did was show a clip of the actual episode for a few seconds. Total cop out.

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Soulmates? Yikes man, I'd probably back off if they're still close with each other, unless you have immense trust and know she won't do anything you aren't comfortable with around/with him.

 

Well, we're not even together right now so I don't really care that much what happens even with my feelings. I know she said it's hard for her to date again because of him, they must've had a really close relationship.

 

I know too that she told me he approved of me when we briefly were together though.

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Soulmates? Yikes man, I'd probably back off if they're still close with each other, unless you have immense trust and know she won't do anything you aren't comfortable with around/with him.

 

Yeah, that rang alarm bells with me. The absolute last thing you need is to fall into the rut of thinking you and her are going to be an item - when there's still an extremely close bond between her and her boyfriend - because you could end up being really hurt, which for you would be even more damaging. Also I've seen situations where the girl may even start a new relationship with someone else as well as you, because she is basically rebounding and recovering.

 

Plus it seems to me very likely that she is suffering from deep mental issues over the abuse - possibly even something like PTSD. She is most likely confused, and the best advice I can offer you is to put any preconceived ideas - or plans to one side, and simply offer her an ear, and a friend to talk to. Longer term a deeper friendship will develop, and when she's ready to trust again - perhaps explore it then.

 

Again (I can only speak personally) a lasting relationship happened to me when I literally stopped trying to find a girl. You become more relaxed, and you also don't feel you're under pressure of expectations, so that you are actually much better at communicating.

 

I made the mistake before of putting girls on a pedestal, and falling for what I wanted them to be, rather than learning to find out the real person first. Having been happily married for 12 years, and together for 18 - I can say that I think the most important thing in a lasting relationship, is trust - and communication.

 

As others have said, you might not feel like it right now - but the most important thing to do right now is to make sure you are happy - and don't take a risky move that could potentially be even more damaging to your self esteem. Also I would strongly advise that you speak to a doctor if you are as low as you suggested in your first post.

 

Apologies for the seeming lecture, just offering a bit of advice.

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Yeah, that rang alarm bells with me. The absolute last thing you need is to fall into the rut of thinking you and her are going to be an item - when there's still an extremely close bond between her and her boyfriend - because you could end up being really hurt, which for you would be even more damaging. Also I've seen situations where the girl may even start a new relationship with someone else as well as you, because she is basically rebounding and recovering.

 

Plus it seems to me very likely that she is suffering from deep mental issues over the abuse - possibly even something like PTSD. She is most likely confused, and the best advice I can offer you is to put any preconceived ideas - or plans to one side, and simply offer her an ear, and a friend to talk to. Longer term a deeper friendship will develop, and when she's ready to trust again - perhaps explore it then.

 

Again (I can only speak personally) a lasting relationship happened to me when I literally stopped trying to find a girl. You become more relaxed, and you also don't feel you're under pressure of expectations, so that you are actually much better at communicating.

 

I made the mistake before of putting girls on a pedestal, and falling for what I wanted them to be, rather than learning to find out the real person first. Having been happily married for 12 years, and together for 18 - I can say that I think the most important thing in a lasting relationship, is trust - and communication.

 

As others have said, you might not feel like it right now - but the most important thing to do right now is to make sure you are happy - and don't take a risky move that could potentially be even more damaging to your self esteem. Also I would strongly advise that you speak to a doctor if you are as low as you suggested in your first post.

 

Apologies for the seeming lecture, just offering a bit of advice.

 

To be clear, it's her ex that she had like a 3 year relationship with. I don't really know specifics but I know they're okay with not being a thing anymore and are just close friends.

 

She is, I find it difficult to talk to her as a friend because of it. She's guarded and doesn't know who to trust, because she's at her lowest point because of the abuse. I'm pretty much just there for her as a friend right now, just talking and hoping that we can get closer as friends, and maybe something will happen in the future because I know she still has to take care of her own problems.

 

Today I feel fine, and I've previously been in therapy, but I couldn't continue because I graduated from school, so now I have to find a paid therapist or something. I've been seriously considering calling my doctor and seeing if I actually need medication for my depression, because I hate living like this, especially when it interferes with things I'm required to do in life like work, or enjoy video games.

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Today I feel fine, and I've previously been in therapy, but I couldn't continue because I graduated from school, so now I have to find a paid therapist or something. I've been seriously considering calling my doctor and seeing if I actually need medication for my depression, because I hate living like this, especially when it interferes with things I'm required to do in life like work, or enjoy video games.

 

 

That would be a very good move, again I speak from experience, because I have been taking anti depressants for nearly 18 years - and generally they really help. Your doctor can also suggest things like counselling, and CBT (Cognitive Behavioural Therapy) which helps change your thinking patterns and behaviours. Certainly the fact you say you find little enjoyment in even things you do for fun, points to depression. (I've filled out enough of those tests, to know that)

 

We are lucky in a way to be living in a climate where people are more understanding of mental conditions, and the stigma of having them is fast becoming a thing of the past. Depression is simply an illness - and like most illnesses it can be treated. There are many people on this very forum who suffer - and most are pretty open about it and offer advice.

 

I presume you're around 20 ish? I was around the same age when I was diagnosed, and I'd also had enough of women's mind games to last a lifetime. Life seemed pretty pointless at the time, and I found little interest in much - only one year later I would meet the woman who would become my wife, and mother to my child. Life can turn for the better, every bit as it seems to throw sh*t at you.

 

It seems like a cliche (and it annoyed the hell out of me at the time) but take everyday as it comes.

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Apologies for the seeming lecture, just offering a bit of advice.

no no, that's good. The whole "you'll find love when you stop looking" proverb. Only thing with his sitch is she literally came to him XD. Missed a vital opportunity and still came back. Do you ignore the signs when they're screaming in your ear like that? How do you know when to follow through or when to back off when the answer isn't so clear and you obviously can't follow your heart because,if that was the deciding factor, they'd already be together. He's an exception to the already complicated "rule"

 

I don't know. I do know she's really close with her ex-boyfriend, though. They're soulmates, as she describes it.

Is this the same boyfriend that caused this sexual trauma? Or you mentioned her mom and the close relationship, perhaps that trauma was caused from a family member, dad or an uncle?

 

I'll be honest, these guys talking about the rebound holds some truth in it. You guys didn't really talk until after you smashed, right? So you didn't have an idea of her past until it was already too late. Not your fault at all, but jumping to that stage so quickly with her in that mindset might possibly have been fatal. For whatever reason her ex is even her ex, if she's that fixated on him it might be hard to pry her away. Easier said than done, but you have to find a way to show her why you're the better fit. It's gonna be tough, damn near impossible depending on how invested she is in that relationship ("soulmate" is a pretty strong and definitive term and cause for concern if it's not in reference to you) but, like I said, if it's meant to be...

 

Keep playing you cards, build her trust, try not to pressure her too much but above all try your damndest to not make her your focus, because this might not be a fight you can win

 

Oh, and yes DEFINITELY talk to the doctor like Mike suggests. There may be underlying issues there your mind can't fix on its own. It never hurts to ask

Edited by WNX

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Forgot to mention why I came in here today in the first place. I slipped over on the ice in the car park, and landed very heavily - fortunately aside from my knee, my work laptop took the impact (as I discovered when a couple of pieces fell off when I got it out of it's bag in the office)

 

Knee is gonna bruise like a b*stard. I joked this morning that I couldn't decide which leg to limp on (as of course my right ankle has been subject of investigations - see above).

 

Also realized that as all the stuff is being moved to the new house on the 23rd - I'm going to spend my birthday (24th) either with no sofa, or no TV. Also if the TV is moved, I won't have Sky set up - so I'll miss United v Liverpool.

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I try to go to the gym and work out, but my health issues always seem to hold me back.

 

Either my shoulders which has never been in a stable condition like for example, I dislocate my left shoulder regularly, starts to nag me or one of my knees acts up during leg day (tore a meniscus in one and an ACL in the other) or I get light-headed because of my heart condition.

 

*Censored* it, kill me, I don't care trying to better myself - is basically what I'm feeling during times like that.

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Soulmates? Yikes man, I'd probably back off if they're still close with each other, unless you have immense trust and know she won't do anything you aren't comfortable with around/with him.

 

Well, we're not even together right now so I don't really care that much what happens even with my feelings. I know she said it's hard for her to date again because of him, they must've had a really close relationship.

 

I know too that she told me he approved of me when we briefly were together though.

 

still though, if you do end up together, then will you be okay with their closeness? And was the ex the abuser?

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Is this the same boyfriend that caused this sexual trauma? Or you mentioned her mom and the close relationship, perhaps that trauma was caused from a family member, dad or an uncle?

 

I'll be honest, these guys talking about the rebound holds some truth in it. You guys didn't really talk until after you smashed, right? So you didn't have an idea of her past until it was already too late. Not your fault at all, but jumping to that stage so quickly with her in that mindset might possibly have been fatal. For whatever reason her ex is even her ex, if she's that fixated on him it might be hard to pry her away. Easier said than done, but you have to find a way to show her why you're the better fit. It's gonna be tough, damn near impossible depending on how invested she is in that relationship ("soulmate" is a pretty strong and definitive term and cause for concern if it's not in reference to you) but, like I said, if it's meant to be...

 

Keep playing you cards, build her trust, try not to pressure her too much but above all try your damndest to not make her your focus, because this might not be a fight you can win

 

Oh, and yes DEFINITELY talk to the doctor like Mike suggests. There may be underlying issues there your mind can't fix on its own. It never hurts to ask

No, it's not him. She knows who it is, but I don't know him and she can't release his name to the public (she's pressing charges right now) until she gets the okay.

 

I don't know how long ago she split with her ex, we just happened to meet at a con through a mutual friend and she was the one interested in having sex with me. Yeah, it's hard to really show her how I really can be for her if I can't get her to open up to me. I'm putting in effort to show my interest as a friend and stuff too, so that way I gain the closeness I want with her. I don't really know if it's fixation or not, but they are very close to each other but in a platonic way now.

 

I'm just going to see. I really have no clue as to what's going to happen.

still though, if you do end up together, then will you be okay with their closeness? And was the ex the abuser?

 

 

 

 

I didn't really mind it.

 

No, someone else.

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My Wife, then me, then my Mother in Law got sick, My Car Froze and would not move for a week, My fridge died and we are putting my 21 year old cat to sleep this is all within a weeks time... this year has been horrid, the luck, the people, the Government.. if this was UFC match I'd tap the *Censored* out..okay done, thanks for listening.

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Leak in the bathroom wall. So, there's a hole ripped in the opposite side of the wall (in the dining room) now, so that it could be fixed without damaging the tile work. I mean...it'll get fixed. But, it's always something.

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It's a dumb BS but its gonna be harder than I thought to edit mine and my bestfriend's videos of winning Blackout. I can do what Achievement Hunter does and go back and forth between screens. Not a great Editor and pointless to pay someone to do it for me. Just would be a cool video if I can actually do it. His reaction is priceless to me. Happiest I've seen him in a game for a bit. And glad I got to experience it with him. Wish my other friend saved her clip, but she died early on anyway. Any tips what free editing software would be good for this. I've been using VSDC free Video Editor. It's just a pain to keep going back and forth between screens

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