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Tell us the BS going on right now in your life

AlterNation

By AlterNation
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Since lurking this site for a while, I figure this is an alright place to finally vent right? Lol

 

Let's see, my mom passed away December 17, 2012. Since then my life sorta spiraled out of control. I spent the better part of my life taking care of her. I'm only 24 years old, but when I was born she was diagnosed with Multiple Scorosis. The doctors only gave her 6 months to live, so she was only supposed to make it till I was 6 months old. Before I was born, she was diagnosed with a plethora of things. Leukemia, Epileptic, she had Anemia and Parkenson's as well. It got to the point that she'd end up taking 14 pills, 3 times a day, just so she could walk half normally.

 

She made it till I was 14 years old before she got really bad. At that point it was either she check into a home, put me up for adoption and eventually pass on. That's not cool. My dad had already left when I was 10, so he was no help, and my brother went on to live with him. Like a usual seperation, half and half. I wasn't about to live with my Dad either. So I was kinda forced into making my very first adult decision. I dropped out of School so I could attempt to help take care of my mom. I learned how to pick a fallen woman up off the ground without hurting her. The first naked woman I seen in my life was my mom. I became a hermit, basically. My entire life, from 14, to 21 was day and night, keeping my mom alive. I knew nothing of the world, how people worked, thought or acted. Doing all this as a child, I figured people were honest, ALL people. I couldn't understand how people could *Censored* another person over, and I still can't wrap my head around it at times. That's all besides the point.

 

I lived on welfare, using my moms food stamps and Social Security checks, to make ends meet. It became my job at 15, to learn how to finance without being without a place to stay. Because my moms medicine made her groggy, it was kind of trial and error on what to do. The times she wasn't groggy and mobile, I did what I could to pick her brain, learn what I could about it all. It was tough, and often times I'd screw up a bill here and there, be without electricity for a month, or eat a piece of bread for dinner.

 

I finally got the hang of it, how to budget our money, and our food, I grasped the concept of people not giving a shit about your situation. When I was 15 going on 16, it finally clicked, and I was on a roll. I was a grown ass man at 16 years old. Dealing with money and bills. I was proud, and I could tell she was too. For a while there, I had us having Electricity, Cable, Water, Heat, and a whole fridge full of food. All on Food Stamps and Social Security.

 

At 17 years old, I was getting frustrated with no outside contact. My only outside contact was paying rent, my moms doctors, and going to buy food. I barely would be able to talk to my mom, and when I would, often times she would forget the next day. I wanted so badly to go back to school, get out of the house, hell, get a job even. I used to live in Texas, and the legal working age, is 18 if I remember correctly, so I made a plan. The day I turn 18, I was getting a job.

 

I turned 18, and went job hunting. I felt it made the most sense. I'd work 8 hours a day, bring in more money for the house, we'd be better off. I had a job interview at a Taco Bell, and my inexperience with people showed instantly. I was being asked the basic interview questions. "why should we hire you over someone else" things of that nature. And my good heartedness said if I wasn't the most qualified person, then don't hire me. Needless to say, I bombed that interview and couldn't understand why. I had an interview shortly there after at Walmart. This time, they offered me the job. I was so excited. I couldn't wait to tell my mother.

 

I got home, only to find her laying face down on the floor. She wasn't dead, but she had a habit of falling out of her bed and landing face first. It coulda killed her, I flipped, started to get worried, scared, crying. Trying to get her up. She woke up. I just sat with her for a while. Even typing this out, I get teary-eyed, but I chose to not tell her about my job. I knew what she'd say. She was happy. I should do it. It'll be good. Dealing with this for 4 years, I was probably more grown up than I should have been at 18. I no showed my first day, because I was terrified of being at work and something happening to my mom.

 

At 19, hurricane Irene hit us. And hit us bad. No electricity for 3 months, because the powerlines went down to the ground and where we lived wasn't priority. Those three months were rent free, and we got credited some money for electric. I figured having all this extra money, I could get a cheap laptop, and I did, the cheapest HP I could find. At 19 I truly discovered the internet. I had outside contact to the world, while still being able to take care of my mom. It was great. I met people. Talked to actual people.

 

This was my life, from 14, to 21 years old. 3 months almost exactly. I found my mom dead. Face down on the floor. Cold and motionless. I knew she was dead, I could just tell. It was time. I tried to wake her up. I was tugging at her, screaming at her, I kicked her a few times too. I knew she was dead, I was just so pissed off, because like, I felt like I failed, you know? I almost didn't call 911. I almost finished her pills and laid next to her.

 

I don't quit, you know? It's weird, I have this drive, to just keep going no matter what. I called 911, the verified she had gone. I spent the next week in pure silence. My only contact was a friend I met online. I know him since 19, so 3 years at this point. I didn't know what to do, and I needed a plan, but I was so used to doing what I been doing the past 7 years, that I was lost again. I ended up getting an eviction notice for not paying rent. This person online invited me to move up here to New Jersey. I took my rent money, and my moms last Social Security check, bought a greyhound ticket. From Spring Texas to Mt Laural New Jersey. a 3 day bus ride, turned to a 5 day bus ride. I dunno how, but I was terrified.

 

My mom died in December 17, and I was in New Jersey on Jan 1st. I had no time to grieve, no time to do anything, just grow up and move. I did it, and right now, this is the first time I'm getting any of this out. This post is gonna be long as hell. I apologize.

 

I've been in Jersey for 2 years, I got a job at Arby's on Feb 21st, and became a shift manager last month. I'm still empty inside, and frustrated. But I've perfected putting on a face smile, and hiding my depression. It's just so much easier to keep my mind off it because all I really do is work. And on my days off, I just sit in silence and think.

 

Again, sorry if this is too long.

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Lyriqz ✪ Official CAWs.ws Addict

Lyriqz ✪

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Again, sorry if this is too long.

 

You know, first off you don't have to apologize for posting a long ass post, if it helps, it hels. And secondly, I'm a rather apathic person (or maybe just a shitty one) and I feel very distant to you, of course, as we have never interacted even once before, but what I can say is, you may feel like you failed, but look at your age and what you've had to deal with and overcome, fail, call it what you want. It doesn't matter. All that and you're still further in life then a lot of people who had/have it better and being older. That seems like quite the accomplishment imo. Best to you

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Muur Official CAWs.ws Addict

Muur

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I wanna buy drugs but I don't know anyone who buys or sells (at least not to my knowledge) to get started

 

Scorpion has experience

 

You may just end up losing the drugs and the money once he gets robbed again

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Royal Nakamura Hall of Famer

Royal Nakamura

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Today has gone by far too quickly.

Days in general have been going far too quick, imo
Sunday went really slowly for me (which I was fine with 'cause that was gig day) but everyday afterwards has just been zooming past.

I love the fact the weekends can go a bit slow, because I hate Monday mornings. I just hate the fact the weekdays tend to bolt quickly, because I have no work on those days. It's like my free time feels so minimal.

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