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Jimmy Rustles


Sam The Dude

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So was anybody else staying tuned on the whole Jimmy Rustles story last night. I'll just summarize the story if you haven't heard already.

 

Well there was a man in Modesto who was getting ready to be evicted from his home. A cop and a locksmith came to evict him. The man shot and killed both the cop and the locksmith. Well someone from the area posted a thread on 4chan claiming to be the gunman and asking users to ask him questions. In the thread he posted the real address and other personal info of the real shooter. Well 4chan believed him at first, til he revealed that he was trolling, so I assumed he lived in the area and heard of the story. Well someone posted the thread on twitter, and Fox news got a hold of it. 4chan users told Fox that the gunman's real name was Jimmy Rustles (see rustled jimmies meme), he was military trained in guerrilla warfare and that he had a gorilla fetish. They also told them that his home was rigged with explosives. Fox believed it and reported it on their news show. Even the gorilla fetish part. There were tons of SWAT teams trying to find a way to get him out or to get in. I heard somewhere the Navy were called in. Meanwhile, 4chan users were ordering dozens of pizzas to be delivered to the residence. Cops could be seen on the live feed carrying pizza boxes. It all ended when the house randomly caught on fire. I've heard mixed stories, but some say there was no body found.

I'm sure I forgot some details, but that's the just of it. It lasted from morning til about 1 AM. Crazy shit. The legend of Jimmy Rustles live on. I suggest you search for tweets of him on twitter.

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Yet another reason why guns should be outlawed.

Here in England, the situation would be as follows:

 

Man is about to be evicted, decides to use store-bought machete (feck knows how all these chavs get their hands on so many machetes) to utterly destroy those trying to kick him out. Doesn't kill anyone, but probably leaves permanent damage to a few of them. After being surrounded by special police force, the man walks out from his home, presumably topless, swinging the machete around, chanting football songs. Gazza comes out and asks the guy if he wants to go fishing with him, before the guy is eventually shot down by any armed police force. Media makes the guy out to either be a.) a lunatic, b.) a depressive or c.) an innocent bystander in another attack by the unjust, racist metropolitan police force.

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Yet another reason why guns should be outlawed.

Here in England, the situation would be as follows:

 

Man is about to be evicted, decides to use store-bought machete (feck knows how all these chavs get their hands on so many machetes) to utterly destroy those trying to kick him out. Doesn't kill anyone, but probably leaves permanent damage to a few of them. After being surrounded by special police force, the man walks out from his home, presumably topless, swinging the machete around, chanting football songs. Gazza comes out and asks the guy if he wants to go fishing with him, before the guy is eventually shot down by any armed police force. Media makes the guy out to either be a.) a lunatic, b.) a depressive or c.) an innocent bystander in another attack by the unjust, racist metropolitan police force.

As someone who occasionally reads The Sun, I can confirm this.

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