ANTI-

edit- sorry for the lengthy post...i think I overdid it on the coffee

https://www.vimeo.com/51294589

My brain does kind of a weird thing where I'll be really decent at doing something, but the second I think about doing it for a living and/or some kind of monetary gain, then whatever special ability I had just goes away. I ended up getting a writer's block that lasted many years. I used to be able to just sit down and write you a song or a short story or an essay at the drop of a hat, and then suddenly I couldn't come up with anything to write. Just kinda gave it up after a number of years. I picked up a guitar at the start of this decade and things started coming back to me. I try not to get too excited, though. lol. I've written some good stuff since then, but way more spaced apart time-wise than I'd like.

Wasn't sure whether or not to put this here or the "good things" topics, because I'm not sure where to go. I've been trying to do some writing exercises in preparation for something...thought it'd be kinda fun to just jot down random things that have happened, and see what comes out. This is all true. Here goes.. I was getting head on the front steps of a church out beside a concert once...I wanna say the concert had ICP, Hed PE, and Mushroomhead on it...I don't anything remember about the chick...I met her there, not much prior to this......anyway the most surprising thing about that is that George W Bush was in a second presidency.. I broke my arm in a moshpit at a Straight Line Stitch concert once...and I suffered all kinds of simultanteous injuries to my left leg running to Broad Street when the Eagles won the Super Bowl. They sound like really awesome stories, but, from a first-person perspective, the moshpit wasn't very big at all, compared to the many others I'd been in....and I literally effed up my leg stepping on a jagged curb...something about it caused my knee to give out and it caught me offguard and off-balance enough to where I fell directly onto it hard. Never been the same since. In essence, good luck KD.... I attempted suicide in Spring of 2015. I don't remember the exact day or month because I guess I blocked a lot of that time period out. I wanna say late March to early April or something, just based on things I remember happening afterward. I don't talk about it ever, but I mean, I'm here, so whatever. Go figure... that I'd be unsuccessful at yet another thing. lol. Many things changed about my mindset from then on. When you make it through something like that and realize the things that weighed you down so heavily weren't as big a deal as you thought, then everyday you just kinda smile and have an "I wasn't even scheduled to work today" kind of feeling. I still think 1 attempt in about 25 years of depression is pretty solid. Besides Firefly Fun House, I don't think I've watched more than a few minutes of WWE television since I watched Double Or Nothing. I do need to catch up on Stardom, though...they don't waste my time. I saw a fiveway once...…..all girls. It was a fourway...there was this chick just watching, until this old man just started whispering things into her ear and...she joined in. And that's how I met your mother... One of my biggest dreams used to be to get 5 Mics in The Source magazine. I used to be a lyricist to be reckoned with....a writer to be reckoned with, actually. I used to win all these First Place awards in school for my writing. The one time I didn't win outright was because I tied with someone else for #1. Last I checked, that guy was like...backpacking through Spain or something. Wonder if anything ever became of his writing. It sucks to feel like......you were in this class of golden children, and you still were the one who showed the most or second most promise, and you're the one who burned out and didn't amount to shit. Oh well.....atleast I got to live vicariously through the Eagles for a season... As a birthday present to myself in September of 2014, I went to go see Bill Cosby live. It was one of the coolest things I had done for myself in a long time. About a week or 2 later, all this stuff starts coming out about him. Looking up to people is weird. Like, seeing Bill Cosby was something someone could check off a bucket list, and then you discover the kind of person he actually was. I've had similar moments with a lot of people, particularly in wrestling. We're all just shades of gray. I more or less just love everyone, but only trust a handful...maybe not even a handful. That Cosby thing is like the time I was at a bar in New Orleans just after Machine Gun Kelly had been there and left, minutes before I got there. Eminem pretty much eliminated that from ever being a thing I talk about... I've wanted Elizabeth Warren to be the next president since before Trump won. I like Biden, but I love her. If he'd be so kind as to make her his running mate, we have a winner. Otherwise, 4 more years. My boss worked for Trump in Miami for about 8 years. Small world....but I walked the streets and cried when Obama won...and I've felt like crying nearly every day since he left that seat. lol. It's alarming, the amount of dead bodies I've randomly walked by in my lifetime. But I guess it could be worse....like seeing how they got that way. I'm good, fam...I'ma just walk on by.... I remember Cardi B as a stripper in Philly... and I remember advertisements for this club that featured her. What an extraordinary come-up.. I think I have like the most boring life, so it's interesting to jot some memories down and realize I've been around a little more than I thought.