ANTI-

So sorry to hear that about your grandmother, man. One of mine had some bad health scares as well this year, but is luckily doing fine now. I even went to Puerto Rico to visit and spend time with her, recently. Hadn't gone out there since my grandfather died 15 years ago. I hope your grandmother pulls through and has minimal lasting effects from something horrible like that. I feel like I need to get a second (and probably final) sort of self-exposé writing exercise done, where I go on about good, funny, or bad things. So, to hell with it....let's do it...

I've known for a while. I was attempting to go in for counselling regularly last year around the time I got badly injured, and I just couldn't afford to keep going or to get insurance, so it stopped after a few weeks. I hit a sort of breaking point in life and I was just ready and determined to face everything I've been dealing with mentally that I felt was holding me back because I refused help my entire life. My mind was doing a lot of weird things that were beyond just what I had already been going through since I was a child. It's frustrating because, with depression, anxiety, a speech impediment...these are things I can see and feel and know that they're happening. With this, I don't really have a grip on it or know just how much it has been affecting my mind and for how long, or how much people can tell. I don't know. And I don't know how to tell anyone in my personal life, because I've disappointed people for so long, I feel...and now this? lol. But I promise this forum will not be my blog. I'm gonna check in occasionally for gaming matters or whatever, but this isn't at the point of no return yet...so it's my time to put in the work and not take any backward steps.

Being diagnosed with schizophrenia (on top of the other things) is like a death sentence. You can treat it but there's no stopping it. I just want everyone to be happy and excited about life, where they're at, and what they're doing. I used to have the audacity to want that for myself too. And whatever you all do, just continue moving forward, while trying your best to hurt as few people along the way as you possibly can, on the path to achieving your own happiness. Atleast I have a weekend of good wrestling to try and focus on. I start treatment a few days after my birthday hopefully. You won't hear a lot of chatter out of me.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=l_5UCol-r2w&feature=youtu.be

If I could offer up some backstory, I was actually randomly talking to that Khaotic dude on Facebook as he was doing a live video in a group I'm in. That "Needle in the Haystack" song was playing in the background and I couldn't Shazam it, so I was just like "Yo that shit sounds catchy as hell. Who does that song?". He just kinda chuckled, panned out, and turns out he was in studio recording and mixing that song. I kept telling him it sounded like a hit and we started talking about what the video would look like. I searched every day for weeks for it to surface on YouTube so I could hear it better, and finally got it. The song reminded me of something, actually... Back to our regularly scheduled program...