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Everything posted by adamthyst

  1. Since I've last been here, I graduated college, my mental health has been better, and I'm awaiting a full-time job.
  2. The way my mental state is has made me turn depressive and negative thoughts about myself into anger and frustration because I've become a perfectionist. I hate it. I want it to stop, it's sucking the life out of things I love doing and playing because now I'm not having fun anymore.
  3. No, it's not him. She knows who it is, but I don't know him and she can't release his name to the public (she's pressing charges right now) until she gets the okay. I don't know how long ago she split with her ex, we just happened to meet at a con through a mutual friend and she was the one interested in having sex with me. Yeah, it's hard to really show her how I really can be for her if I can't get her to open up to me. I'm putting in effort to show my interest as a friend and stuff too, so that way I gain the closeness I want with her. I don't really know if it's fixation or not, but they are very close to each other but in a platonic way now. I'm just going to see. I really have no clue as to what's going to happen. I didn't really mind it. No, someone else.
  4. To be clear, it's her ex that she had like a 3 year relationship with. I don't really know specifics but I know they're okay with not being a thing anymore and are just close friends. She is, I find it difficult to talk to her as a friend because of it. She's guarded and doesn't know who to trust, because she's at her lowest point because of the abuse. I'm pretty much just there for her as a friend right now, just talking and hoping that we can get closer as friends, and maybe something will happen in the future because I know she still has to take care of her own problems. Today I feel fine, and I've previously been in therapy, but I couldn't continue because I graduated from school, so now I have to find a paid therapist or something. I've been seriously considering calling my doctor and seeing if I actually need medication for my depression, because I hate living like this, especially when it interferes with things I'm required to do in life like work, or enjoy video games.
  5. Well, we're not even together right now so I don't really care that much what happens even with my feelings. I know she said it's hard for her to date again because of him, they must've had a really close relationship. I know too that she told me he approved of me when we briefly were together though.
  6. I don't know. I do know she's really close with her ex-boyfriend, though. They're soulmates, as she describes it. Also, she has a close relationship with her mother. I don't know if they know about her trauma or not though. They're aware of me due to how fast we went, but other than that.. don't know.
  7. Yeah, I know.. mentally I know I have to, but I just can't start the spark to take care of myself in my heart. As far as my feelings go, they could still be there later but right now, I really feel for her. But waiting on her to get better.. who knows how long that will take and if we both feel the same later on? I hope to continue to be friends with her, but I can't help but wonder if we could actually end up together in a serious relationship. It's not really her that's giving me these issues, it's my past and myself. Honestly, she treated me better than my ex and I felt a lot more compatible and connected with her.. it really made me happy. It's not even the sex, it's just how we connected outside of it. I will still feel the same way about myself as I did before, but her... I worry about her's. Her trauma is so serious and she's at the lowest point of it. I can't really do anything to help her but be there for her, and I worry I'm not gonna be able to get close with her due to how guarded she is right now.
  8. Alright so, I've been dealing with my own issues and depression for about 3-ish years now. All of these are feelings of loneliness, self-image issues, and just not believing in myself in anything, even sometimes the things that I love. Most of this stems off of a toxic relationship I had at the same time I started feeling that way. To sum it all up, I stayed in it because I wanted to make it work and because it was my first relationship, but the girl and I were way too incompatible and I just didn't feel a sort of connection to her. She was the one who took my virginity, etc. but that's not really what got me, I felt used for sex cause that's literally all we did. I never really felt happy with this person, and when I got out of it I was happy, but I was so upset. I started having depressive thoughts later, and didn't believe I could actually be with anyone else or that I'd never get in a relationship where I actually felt a deep connection to someone. Like, hooking up is fine, but I still felt that way. I hooked up with another person about a few months after all of that shit ended, and after I got ghosted, I took a spiral down and my feelings of loneliness increased. So 3 years later, I go to MAGFest and meet up with a friend of mine cause she wanted me to buy her alcohol at the time since she wasn't 21 at the time. I do that, meet up with her and I meet a ton of her friends in her hotel room. There was one in particular that I found real cute and stuff, but I was like "Nah dude, you couldn't get with that" to myself. So I'm trying to get to know people (cause I want con friends, etc.) and I noticed my homegirl got pulled aside by the one girl I'm talking about. We're all having small talk, etc. and that person starts blatantly hitting on me and I'm like "Woah " but since I'm shy as hell, I don't really do anything with it. We leave to go party and etc. so while we're waiting and stuff in a hallway, my homegirl pulls me aside and was like "Dude, she's been eyeballing you and shit all day, go talk to her." Let's just say I was too shy to do that and I can only talk to girls while I'm kinda drunk. I tell myself that I'll try again tomorrow, etc. repeatedly but I could never find that girl or only ran into her a few times after that. So I'm like... "Shit I should've shot my shot" and just shake my head at myself. So the con ends and a day or 2 after it, I'm about to get off work and I had a few missed calls and texts from my homegirl. I look at them and she's like "Where the *Censored* are you? This girl is dead ass about to be in town cause she's visiting me, you better come shoot your shot" and I'm like nervous and not prepared. So I respond that I'll go with her, and she basically wingwomans for me to the girl, and it was almost like a double date at dinner cause my homegirl brought her BF with her. So myself and the girl go to the car so she can get some bags and stuff and she was like "Well I wish I got to talk to you at MAG because I think you're really cute and wanna get to know you" and shit. So I got her number and on the way home she starts texting me and shit, asking if I wanted to smash. I said yeah so they drive us to my house and I turned on some anime and we smashed. Also, originally, she was supposed to only stay for a day, but while we were texting in the car I was being playful and said like "Well if you stayed I'd make you dinner" and all that stuff, but she agreed to purposely miss her bus home to stay a little more with me. So that happens, and things are happening SO fast. Like, feelings and emotions wise. She actually treated me so much better than my ex the couple of days we'd been hanging out and having sex, letting out both of our vulnerable sides and etc. Come time for her to leave, I ask her out and we date briefly. She comes back after leaving and she isn't really letting me get closer to her, etc. and I'm not sure why. So we broke it off early (she asked) because she said that she had so much shit going on in her life that she isn't ready for a relationship right now. We both also agreed we took things way too fast but still wanted to be friends. We're still friends, but I learn more about all the shit going on in her life and her baggage: sexual assault trauma and a lot of other mental health issues. She still visits sometimes and we talk, but man... I actually have legit feelings for the girl and I'm like... I know that she has to help herself get past her trauma and etc, and I told her I'd be there for her when she needed it. But man... everything feels like it was terrible timing. I know I shouldn't have asked her out after a few days, but my emotions were pretty high and so were her's, and I acted on them. I learned a lesson there, but I still can't help but feel alone and still wanting to be there with her.. I don't wanna sit here and wait for her, cause I'm just not gonna let these feelings and my loneliness eat away at me. I think there's room for stuff to happen in the future, but I'm just... not really sure what I need to do at this point. We're friends, yeah, but I still have these feelings and I don't wanna get too attached to her, etc. There's just so much shit going on in my head right now that I need to help get myself together and still remain close to the girl...
  9. Got over this huge crush and the roller coaster I went through with it. Feeling a lot better as a result. Nothing's holding me back now from being blunt with her since those feelings are lost.
  10. 3.0 GPA got me automatically extended for the next semester. *Censored* yeah.
  11. Another good semester of school. Therapy has really helped me break out of the shell I used to be in and be happier. Not there yet, though.
  12. I just finished my finals and found out I don't need summer classes so I can finally have a full summer to relax.
  13. I'm happy my school offers free counseling services, otherwise it would put another dent in the family's wallet. I've only been to about two sessions, I haven't felt a change in myself really, yet.
  14. I finally took up the opportunity to see therapy/counseling for the sake of my own mental health and being. I've been very unhappy with myself for over a year and I need to get my head straight.
  15. I haven't really thrown myself out there as showing romantic interest yet, because I want to see if I actually would like to do that first. I'm not much of a charismatic or flirty person, but I'm definitely having my manner with her right now as just a friend until later. I don't think she's seeing anyone right now, and I'm 90% sure on that one. I also need to find out if she'd actually date, because we're both college students and busy, so doing that is still a huge ass commitment on its own on top of school.
  16. Learning how to "feel" again, I guess. I developed a crush on one of my friends and it's been making me feel pretty happy about life because I'm actually putting forth effort to know her, and eventually take her to get coffee or something.
  17. RIP Sheik. Literally nerfed to shit lmao. For real though, Sheik got nerfed HARD.
  18. I just hate his counter and fsmash. *censored*ing hell.
  19. The thing that shocked me the most was M2K being sent to Loser's by Ice, and Axe 2-0'ing Mango. Also, Bayonetta and Corrin release February 3rd.
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