.Renegade. Posted January 4, 2019 Report Share Posted January 4, 2019 I've grown up a very shy, introverted, and almost anti-social person, most of my life I've never really gone out to social gatherings and just ended up staying home. Eventually I have grown tired of spending my weekends on the couch in front of the TV. I've started reading books, watch self-help videos, worked as a cashier to improve my people skills, but sometimes I feel like I'm still a little bit socially awkward. I'm 24 years old and sometimes I feel like I have no friends, sometimes I feel like people don't want to talk to me, I feel like when I try to have conversations they just end up being one-sided, a lot of times on social media I'm just left on read, I don't really get invited places, I'm usually left out of the conversation. I don't throw pity parties asking "why don't people like me?", I'm just trying to figure out what is it that I'm doing wrong or what am I not doing? The first thing people say when they meet me is "he's quiet, he's shy, he doesn't talk, he doesn't open up". I like being by myself, but I don't like feeling alone, I want to have lots of friends, I want to be able to have a conversation with anyone that's within a 3-foot radius, I want to start dating, etc. This is something that has been holding me back in life and I want to change. Can I get some help? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
M3J Posted January 4, 2019 Report Share Posted January 4, 2019 Work on self-confidence and talk more. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
maskedmaniac Posted January 4, 2019 Report Share Posted January 4, 2019 Be yourself mate. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
M3J Posted January 4, 2019 Report Share Posted January 4, 2019 Be yourself mate. Methinks that's the problem if he's a shy, introverted lad. How's he gonna find people to talk to if he doesn't try to be more extroverted or talk to others? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LEGION Posted January 4, 2019 Report Share Posted January 4, 2019 Find a hobby that you do with others. Might now work out, but the best way to meet people is to force them to meet you. Seriously. My entire social live revolves around people I've met for my few hobbies and a handful of people from school. After a while I just felt more comfortable around them and was automatically more open with them. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Monkey D. Jiggy Posted January 4, 2019 Report Share Posted January 4, 2019 Have you tried therapy? Social anxiety to the point it's like a phobia is a real thing and over here, they have schema therapy to deal with behavioral disorders like that. It breaks down your thinking pattern and tries to reassemble it, trying to not fall into the traps that holds you back as much as possible. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mango kid Posted January 4, 2019 Report Share Posted January 4, 2019 I also find the older u get it becomes a lot harder especially if u already left school Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Counting Lights Posted January 4, 2019 Report Share Posted January 4, 2019 Self confidence is key man. You gotta remember that almost everyone feels weird on the inside, and you just gotta take initiative sometimes. Go to some event or other that can have people who are interested in the same stuff as you, wrestling show at a bar, some convention or something, whatever. Slip into a conversation, see if there's chemistry, get numbers and pitch the idea of hanging out. But then, trick is to not be seen as annoying to whoever it is you start talking to, so you gotta learn to read the room too. Some people are more open to meeting new friends at these things than others. Also, do you work anywhere? Invite some co-workers out for drinks. I've worked at a place for about 6 months now and made a ton of new friends there, was comfortable to invite them to a huge party at my house a week ago. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TrisetMaster908 Posted January 5, 2019 Report Share Posted January 5, 2019 I use to not have many friends in school. In 06 I recently got into Wrestling and over heard someone talking about SummerSlam, ran up to talk to him and we have been Brothers since then. I myself am also shy, when I first met someone I barely talk. More that goes on I warn up to them. Like others have said. Self Confidence is the key. Talk to yourself in the Mirror. It can help, I use to do that to help boost. Try and look up events around your town that you might be interested in. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
.Renegade. Posted January 5, 2019 Author Report Share Posted January 5, 2019 The self-confidence part I've pretty much worked on but still have some work to do. The whole "talk more" is where I struggle with, when I meet new people I have no idea what to talk about. It takes me a while to open up with someone, but once I get comfortable with someone I can talk more. Around people I don't know I'm very quiet and timid, but once I you've really gotten to know me I have no problem being my real self. Over the past couple of years I've met a couple of co-workers that were very extroverted and talkative, I was hard to open up at first but once I did I was able to hold a conversation with them for hours. But I just don't connect like this with about 95% of people. When people say that I'm quiet, what I hear is that they haven't tried talking to me. Yet, sometimes I try to initiate conversation with people, I ask questions yet I only get answers and I feel like interrogating someone, and I get annoyed. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
The Nerd Posted January 5, 2019 Report Share Posted January 5, 2019 The best friends for you are the ones who let you be yourself but also are not afraid to let you know when you're doing something toxic. Don't have yes men around you, like, at all. Try to build your confidence up. It takes time, but being yourself will go a long way. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lunchbox Posted January 5, 2019 Report Share Posted January 5, 2019 For friends i made at work i met alot of them through playing softball with them and going out for drinks afterwards. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
WNX Posted January 5, 2019 Report Share Posted January 5, 2019 I have the same problem as Renegade actually, minus the part where I yearn to fix it. I'm quiet, not good around people I don't know, often awkward around people I do. Fact of the matter is, talk is cheap. No matter how much advice you're given, you know you better than anyone except for maybe that therapist. Jiggy may be on to something there. If this is bothering you past a point, looking into that may be good for you. They can help you find that one thing you can workaround to help all the other issues work themselves out. Now personally if I were gonna fix my own "problem" (which I'm completely fine with being anti-social homebody but that don't work for everyone), I would start with what you said about the extroverts. The easiest convos I have are with chatterboxes. I especially love the really over-the-top ones that don't shut up. The thing about that is, I love to listen. I'd rather listen to a hundred than hold a convo with one. Again, that's just me, but if you dont really like to listen either, you're screwed on that front. Sometimes listening to other peep's convo in search of that one common thing that interests you and finding the moment to interject is what you have to do. I get though, like you say, about getting one lined responses to your comments instead of that initiating a convo being frustrated as sheeit. And it may come off as bothersome to repeatedly jump in to try and force a convo. You've gotta find a way to jump out of your comfort zone, even if it means coming off as desperate. At least, in a group environment like a bar or club. It's way more easier said than done. Oh, drunk people! Talk to drunk people more, it'll change your prospective on alot XD But you say you feel like you have no friends, so how about we start with the friends you do have first? If you go to the one closest to you and present them with your issue or just use their network of friends and branch outwards (assuming you haven't already done that) that might help with the process. You're not gonna wake up one morning like "I can talk to anyone now!" You've had 24 years of developing into the person you are now. Understand that this is gonna take some work but with the right people in your circle I'm sure you'll get there. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
M3J Posted January 6, 2019 Report Share Posted January 6, 2019 Sign up on a site like meetup.com and look for events that you're interested in. Go to those events, like a WWE PPV show, and talk to some people there or listen to their convos and try to join in, if they're okay with it. Same with talking with people in general, if you overhear a convo that doesn't sound private, just join in. You could also go to a party and snort coke or do something similar, but I would not recommend it. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Generations Posted January 6, 2019 Report Share Posted January 6, 2019 The easiest convos I have are with chatterboxes. I especially love the really over-the-top ones that don't shut up. The thing about that is, I love to listen. I'd rather listen to a hundred than hold a convo with one. Again, that's just me, but if you dont really like to listen either, you're screwed on that front. Sometimes listening to other peep's convo in search of that one common thing that interests you and finding the moment to interject is what you have to do. I get though, like you say, about getting one lined responses to your comments instead of that initiating a convo being frustrated as sheeit. This is some insightful shit, tbh. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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