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Alone


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#1 JustsomeNUGGET

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Posted 02 February 2017 - 09:11 PM

My story, only have a preview though so stay tuned

 

What happens when a plane crashes on a mysterious, uncharted island where there are: Monsters, Zombies, Natives and No guys?

 

Feedback is welcome


Edited by JustsomeNUGGET, 04 February 2017 - 12:13 AM.


#2 WNX

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Posted 02 February 2017 - 10:06 PM

Sounds like a high budget lez porno but I'll patiently await the surprise

#3 Creep.

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Posted 02 February 2017 - 10:27 PM

Are "No guys" a type of something? Human? Or are you saying there are no males on this island?

#4 JustsomeNUGGET

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Posted 03 February 2017 - 06:32 AM

Are "No guys" a type of something? Human? Or are you saying there are no males on this island

Alone - Part 1 - Now on The Island

"Maam, do you need anything to drink?" asks the flight attendant. Octavia shakes her head while in deep concentration at the photo she was holding. She put the photo back into her pocket and before she could go back into a relaxing position, the plane has a malfunction. Everyone starts panicking as the plane goes down really fast. The oxygen masks drop down and everyone immediately grabs it to put it over their mouths. Someone tried to get up from heir seat but as soon as that person did, the tail section of the plane tore apart. Everyone looked back, except for the person who got up from their seat as now they are probably dead. The plane continues to go down. Just before the plane crashes, Octavia closes her eyes. "Mum, Muuuum!!" screams a girl while she is crying. Octavia slowly opens her eyes and takes a good look around. She slowly gets to her feet and when she does all she can see is a nice beach with a clear blue ocean and a wrecked plane with a bunch of fellow survivors surrounding it. Octavia then immediately spots another survivor but that survivor has a piece of metal inside her abdomen. “Hey, we need a doctor now!” demands Octavia. A woman gets up from her knees and walks over to Octavia. “What is your name?” asks Octavia

“My, ugh, my name is...Cloe and I was a doctor before all of this happened.”

"Good, can you do something to help the flight attendant?” asks Octavia.

“Sure thing...?” replies Cloe

“Octavia, name’s Octavia”

Cloe heads towards the wounded flight attendant. She takes a deep breath and then leans towards the body. Just before Cloe starts to rip out the piece of metal, she realises that she doesn’t have any antibiotics for the flight attendant. Cloe goes inside the fuselage to find those antibiotics. After a few minutes of scavenging through the luggage, she found what she was looking for. Cloe then heads out of the fuselage but is interrupted by a girl dressed in some witch like outfit. She leans her head sideways and then walks away. Cloe stands still like a statue in confusion. Cloe snaps out of the confusion and runs towards the flight attendant. Octavia also decides to join. Cloe grabs hold of the piece of metal while Octavia grabs hold of the body. Cloe pulls the piece of metal out and the blood is pouring. She quickly puts some bandages on the wound and decides that she wants to move the body. Octavia and Cloe both try to lift the body but they find out that the body is attached to another piece of metal but lodged into her back. “Oh, no, she is not going to make it.” Exclaims Cloe with a faraway look in her eye. Octavia grabs the piece of metal that was ripped out earlier and stabs the flight attendant in the head. Octavia dorps the piece of metaland then waks away.  

 


Edited by JustsomeNUGGET, 03 February 2017 - 06:34 AM.


#5 Creep.

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Posted 03 February 2017 - 08:15 AM

Are you a fan of The 100 by any chance?



#6 Monkey D. Jiggy

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Posted 03 February 2017 - 09:35 AM

Yeah, I was about to ask the same question.

#7 JustsomeNUGGET

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Posted 03 February 2017 - 10:54 PM

is it that obvious?



#8 Creep.

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Posted 03 February 2017 - 11:24 PM

Well you've created a piece that seems very much in the Young Adult genre, set in an apocalyptic/disastrous setting and with a character named Octavia. It's literally the first thing that came to mind lol.

#9 JustsomeNUGGET

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Posted 04 February 2017 - 12:13 AM

Alone – Part 2 – I’m Octavia Blake

 

“Octavia, Octavia!” shouts Cloe. Octavia turns around and says “what Cloe?”

“Why did you kill the flight attendant?” asks Cloe

“You said it yourself, she wasn’t going to make it plus I didn’t want her to suffer.” Explains Octavia

Cloe storms off to go to her daughter, Aurora. Octavia stares off into the distance and flashes back to where she was before the plane crash. “Seth, wait, Seth!” giggles Octavia.

“What Octavia?” asks Seth.

“I’m not sure if I want a child yet.” explains Octavia while slowly moving away.

“Why didn’t you tell me sooner?” asks Seth

“I was afraid of what you were going to do.” explains Octavia. Seth grabs Octavia and backhands her. Octavia looks up at Seth while he grabs a knife. Octavia backs up to the wall and Seth taunts the knife at her face. Out of instinct, Octavia kicks Seth in the leg and he falls over. Octavia gets up and immensely stares a Seth. Her eyes widened and then she screams “Seth! Seth! No! No! Seth.” Octavia grabs the latest photo of Seth and runs away. Octavia reverts back to the island and pulls the photo out of her pocket. She stares at it and a tear falls onto the photo. She puts the photo quickly back into her pocket and wipes the tears. Octavia looks back at Cloe and Aurora and then sits down with them.



#10 Creep.

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Posted 04 February 2017 - 09:20 AM

I mean, you've now just ripped her full name out of The 100

#11 WNX

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Posted 04 February 2017 - 07:52 PM

So I've never seen The 100 but I thiiiiiink I know what your talking about without looking it up. It's one of those "special ability" shows, right?



#12 Creep.

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Posted 04 February 2017 - 08:04 PM

So I've never seen The 100 but I thiiiiiink I know what your talking about without looking it up. It's one of those "special ability" shows, right?


Nah. It's about 100 teenagers getting sent to post apocalypse Earth 100 years after a nuclear apocalypse to see if they can live there again. It's not a terrible show, very teen-drama, but cool ideas.

Edited by PositiveCreep, 04 February 2017 - 08:05 PM.


#13 JustsomeNUGGET

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Posted 04 February 2017 - 11:32 PM

so what do you guys think so far?


Alone – Part 3 – Mother Like Daughter

 

Aurora walks past Cloe with a jar of chewing gum and Cloe just stares in confusion. “Aurora, where did you get?” asks Cloe.

“From Maria, I think that’s her name.” replies Aurora while chewing the gum. Cloe walks up and slaps the jar out of Aurora’s hands and demands her to spit the gum out. Aurora spits the gum out with a glared look on her face. “Mum, you are always picking on me, you always have ever since Dad went on his trip.” states Aurora.

“I am just looking out for you Aurora!” shouts Cloe.

“Whatever!” says Aurora while storming off. Cloe sits down with her hand on her face and starts to flashback to where she and Aurora were before the crash. “Hey Sami, where are you?” asks Cloe while over the phone. “Just doing some work.” replies Sami.

“Ok, it’s just that Aurora wants you to help with her school project.” states Cloe.

“Oh, crap her school pro...thingy.” replies Sami

“See you soon.” says Cloe. After a few hours of waiting, Sami finally arrives home.

“Sami, where were you? You were meant to help Aurora.” asks Cloe

“Don’t worry bout silly ol me.” says Sami in a slurred voice.

“Sami, are you drunk? please tell me you’re not drinking again.” asks Cloe.

“Me? Drunk? Never.” states Sami.

“Sami! We agreed that you would never drink again!” shouts Cloe.

“So I’m the one with all the flaws while you are little miss perfect.” states Sami

“Sami, you are not making any sense, just...just get out!” shouts Cloe.

Cloe sits down and starts bursting into tears as Sami walks out the door. Aurora wakes up and walks towards Cloe. “Mum, what’s wrong?” asks Aurora.

“Nothing, Dad just went on a trip, a very long.” explains Cloe.

“Oh, It’s okay Mum.” replies Aurora. Cloe’s attention reverts back onto the island and looks back at Aurora. Cloe then takes a walk around the beach and finds a laptop that dosen’t have a password She opens up a file and is surprised to find out that the file needs to be encrypted.



#14 WNX

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Posted 06 February 2017 - 04:29 AM

Intriguing. A little bouncy for my taste but I guess you have to be because of the flashbacks. Seems like alot of "jump to conclusions" type of scenarios going on here. Like, it wasn't established, but I "assume" Seth stabbed himself with the knife and died? Octavia is obviously a little screwed in the head. Stab a chick in the dome with a scrap of metal and just walk off like that's a common thing to do. And the random laptop? Going through people's sheeit? Are you not trying to find out where you are and how to leave? And you trust Staboctavia around your kid while you go scavenging in the wreckage?

 

I wanna know where this is heading, but it does need a bit of polish imo. Or perhaps the lack of polish leads to the suspense? Depends on who you ask.



#15 JustsomeNUGGET

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Posted 06 February 2017 - 06:01 AM

Love the feedback WNX and I do agree that it is a little sketchy but I think I did that because I wanted a lot of "unanswered question" type of thing.

Also Seth did die because of that and Octavia usually dosen't think about anything really so I hope that helped clear things up.



#16 JustsomeNUGGET

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Posted 08 February 2017 - 06:09 AM

Part 4, 5 and 6 will be released on Friday, Saturday and Sunday. But for you Americans it will obviously be a day earlier


any predictions on what is going to happen? I would love to have more conversation going on in here



#17 JustsomeNUGGET

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Posted 05 December 2017 - 03:43 AM

https://www.wattpad..../JustsomeNUGGET

 

Guys, I have now moved this to wattpad. Check me out if you want.



#18 WNX

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Posted 07 December 2017 - 05:31 AM

So I didn't read all of it, but either I'm a little too drunk or daaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaamn that escalated quickly. Everything is happening pretty quick, and even though the reads are short, it still comes off as difficult to keep up. I'll try to come back to it once I sober up